


8 times Jonny refused a hug from a Mechanism + 1 time he got a group hug

by schrijverr



Category: The Mechanisms (Band)
Genre: 8+1, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Crew as Family, Cuddle Pile, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Found Family, Gen, Hugs, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Jonny d'Ville Gets A Hug, Jonny kills himself a few times, Jonnys bad mental health, Triggers, also allusions to past abuse, also asks others to kill him, but be careful, caring mechanisms, heavy on the comfort, it's not realy the focus or anything, oh yeah also, technically none of the archive warnings aply
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-12
Updated: 2020-08-12
Packaged: 2021-03-06 05:27:21
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,620
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25868173
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/schrijverr/pseuds/schrijverr
Summary: This is just what it says on the tin. Jonny is not always in the best place mental health wise and isn't willing to accept a hug, despite wanting one. When the others take note they try to help him.(fun fact the working title was: Jonny just accept a hug, okay, you need it)
Relationships: Jonny d'Ville & Everyone
Comments: 40
Kudos: 178





	8 times Jonny refused a hug from a Mechanism + 1 time he got a group hug

**Author's Note:**

> You can find this work on my tumblr as well, which is also @schrijverr. Hope you pop in and say hi, cause I'd love to talk to you!

Jonny had never been good at accepting nice things for himself such as human contact. His father had been a drunk and not a nice one at that and the places he usually hung out besides home were bars where any sign of weakness would mean a beating. After that he’d gotten his mechanism and all knew how unpleasant that had been.

All in all it was safe to say Jonny didn’t know how to react to positive contact other than with anger or violence, no matter how much he craved it.

The crew of the Aurora wasn’t a touchy-feely bunch, but all had enough trauma to realize that a hug from time to time could go a long way and after a few millennia together you lose most of the shame or embarrassment.

**1.**

So when Brian found Jonny slumped over the kitchen counter alone in the middle of the night surrounded by bottles of whiskey he walked up to him and put his hand gently on Jonnys shoulder with the intention of pulling him into a hug.

However, Jonny flinched at the contact and jerked back, snapping his head back and almost falling over when the alcohol in his bloodstream tried to catch up to the movement. 

Once he had steadied himself, he gave Brian a bleary glare. Brian had taken a quick step back at the sudden and violent movement and raised his hands in a disarming manner as he said: “Whoa, calm down there, it’s just me.”

“Yeah, I can see that.” Jonny slurred, “What the fuck are you doing here?”

“Just walking, it gets boring when everyone’s asleep.” Brian answered truthfully.

Jonny hummed as he looked him over, then he asked: “And why did you felt the need to attack me? As far as I can’t remember I didn’t do anything to you recently, the thing with screws was Tims fault.”

“What?” Brian replied utterly confused, “I wasn’t attacking you.”

“Then what the actual fuck were you doing?” Jonny asked him, unimpressed by the answer.

Brian answered: “I was planning on giving you a hug. You looked like you needed it, are you okay?”

“I’m fine.” Jonny snapped, “Just leave the fuck alone. I don’t need your pity.”

He started to walk away, stumbling over his own feet. Brian was honestly surprised he hadn’t died from alcohol poisoning with the amount of bottles on the counter, although it was highly probable that he had, but had just continued drinking after he’d gotten back.

Brian called after him: “It wasn’t pity, just concern.”

Jonny only flipped him off before disappearing out of sight, leaving Brian alone. Brian, or any of the of other Mechanisms for that matter, didn’t see him for a week after that, but he seemed his usual self when he returned, so Brian didn’t push him.

**2.**

It happened again a while later, this time it was Ashes, who found him. They’d had a bit too many nightmares to go to sleep again and were looking for some sort of distraction (hug or alcohol, depending on what they would find first) when they saw a light on in the kitchen.

They sat down next to Jonny and asked: “Rough night?”

“You could say that.” Jonny chuckled, taking another swig. The past week everything had just been bad and he didn’t know why or how to explain it. He’d managed to hide it from everyone and be his bastard self during the day, but he hadn’t been sleeping instead he had spend every night like this, hoping no one would find him. Alas his luck had ran out it would seem.

Ashes gave him an understanding look that he didn’t like, so he just shoved an unopened bottle their way and returned his gaze to the bottom of his glass.

The Quartermaster opened the bottle and drank half in one go. It seemed like it would be both a hug and alcohol tonight. When they were done drinking, they set down the bottle and turned to Jonny. He’d had caught the movement out of the corner of his eye and turned to look at them. He frowned and asked: “What are you planning on doing? Cause I am not in the mood to die tonight.”

“You’re not going to die.” Ashes told him with an eyeroll, before grabbing his shoulders and pulling him into a hug.

They could feel him tense for a split second, then he melted. It didn’t last long, however, because the moment he had melted he tensed again and started wiggling and fighting. He grumbled: “Let me go, let me go, I said LET ME GO.”

At the final outburst Ashes did, they rubbed their ears and snapped: “Did you have to yell?”

“Did you have to hug me?” Jonny returned, he dusted off his clothes and gave them a glare, “What is it with you people and your hugs?”

“I’ve never hugged you before. Don’t accuse me.” Ashes shot back. They were tired and confused, but they did suddenly realize that they really hadn’t hugged Jonny before in all the time they’d known each other and they couldn’t think of who Jonny would be referring to.

They were snapped out of their musings when Jonny said: “Yes and I would like to keep it that way.” before stomping off.

Ashes sulked alone after that until Brian came past, taking a longer route on his midnight walk. Ashes didn’t mention Jonny or what happened, but they did accept the long hug and the offer to stay with them till the morning.

**3.**

After that Jonny had decided that drinking alone in the kitchen wasn’t worth it if he kept being interrupted and hugged. He felt weird about the hugging. It made his heart do funny things and he hated it when his heart did, well anything really. So he started piling alcohol in his room and just hiding there instead, which meant it took some time before anyone found him again.

He hadn’t been drinking surprisingly enough, instead he’d retreated to one of the distant corners of the ship, far away from anyone else, and was shooting some crates in the vain hope that the banging sound and the feeling of the recoil would silence his mind for a moment.

What he hadn’t counted on was that Tim had been killed by Marius for hiding his violin and was coming to a couple of rooms away from where he was violently shooting the crates and raging at them.

Tim heard the screams and gunfire and first assumed there was a fight going on. He ran to it, before realizing that there was only one person screaming and it wasn’t a ‘fuck yeah’ scream, but a scream of anguish and loathing. Stopping in his tracks he listened more closely, until he had pinned down where it came from and who was screaming. 

Then he slowly made his way over there. He stopped in the doorway and watched as Jonny emptied his gun in one of the crates, before kicking it and falling to his knees with a scream. There was more splintered wood of other ruined crates surrounding him and Tim was sure Jonny had bloodied hands from the wood cutting them open.

Jonny would be shooting the wall were it not for the fact that the Aurora would alert Nastya if such a thing were to happen, so destroying crates it was. 

When Tim saw Jonny fumbling to reload his gun and turn his gaze to another crate, he made his presence known. With the small noise of a throat being cleared Jonny turned around with a snarl and shot Tim, but the gun just clicked since he hadn’t managed to reload it with his bloody and shaking hands.

He growled at the gun, before snapping: “Leave me alone, Tim. I have no time for your bullshit tonight, go bother someone else.”

“Hey, who says I’m here to bother you?” Tim asked indignantly.

Jonny gave him a look and told him: “You’re always bothering me.”

Tim shrugged that was pretty fair, then he said: “Well, I’m not here to bother you now.”

“Then what the fuck are you doing here? Shouldn’t you be sleeping?” Jonny was sounding very annoyed right now.

“Marius killed me nearby, heard the noise. Just wanted to ask if you’re alright, maybe need a hug or something.” Tim replied.

“I’m fine, why does everyone keep asking me that. I just want everyone to leave me alone, I don’t need your bloody hugs, so fuck off.” Jonny screamed, snapping at the suggestion of him needing anything.

Tim set a step backwards in shock at the sudden outburst. He frowned and replied: “No need to be so aggressive.”, then he stomped off grumbling some more about unappreciative First Mates, leaving Jonny on the ground, still surrounded by the corpses of crates. 

When Tim was gone his shoulders sagged, his heckles no longer raised. Something inside him crumbled at the realization that Tim hadn’t stayed, hadn’t insisted. He quickly pushed it down, he already felt shit enough there was no need to make it worse with this weird twisted feeling of longing.

He screamed again and attacked the next crate, it didn’t break, but Jonnys hand did. The scream of anger soon turned into one of pain and then that scream turned into sobs as Jonny fell to his knees once more and just sat there as he cried.

**4.**

Ivy stumbled upon him on accident. She had been reading a book while she was walking and hadn’t noticed the corpse until she tripped over it. 

Turning around she saw it was Jonny, there was a hole in his head and a gun in his hand. There was a big blood splatter on the wall behind him and Ivy calculated that there was a 87% chance that he had killed himself a few times already. She decided that she would stay until he came back again to ask if he wanted a hug.

She only had wait a few minutes, before Jonny started to blink as he became aware again. He looked around and spotted her, immediately frowning and asking: “Why the fuck are you here?”

“Well, I tripped over you and waited for you to wake up, since there is a 99% chance you’re having a terrible day and a 97% chance a hug would make you feel a bit better.” Ivy told him, voice monotone.

The frown turned into a scowl with her facts and he spat out: “Well, seems like the 3% applies, so fuck off.”

Ivy shrugged and stood up to leave, if Jonny was sure he didn’t want a hug she wasn’t going to argue with him. She did turn around and saw his face. Hesitating she said: “There is a 67% you don’t actually want me to leave, so…”

He flipped her off and Ivy nodded before leaving, behind her she heard another gunshot. She sighed, but didn’t turn around, she had a book to read after all.

**5.**

Looking up from really the most fascinating reaction of the octokittens, Raphaella spotted Jonny standing on the threshold of her lab. He looked like he hadn’t slept in a week and been on a bender as he stumbled the step into the lab, allowing the door to slide close behind him.

Raphaella put down her notebook and asked: “What are you doing here? I almost never see you here.”

Jonny shrugged and answered: “I feel like dying, a lot. Have any experiments you need help with?”

That was unusual, Raphaella thought, Jonny never wanted to take part in her experiments, murdering and fighting if he ever ended up in the position. No, Jonny hated her experiments, he would never volunteer to help her. She put this all in to words quite eloquently with a: “What?”

“Experiments.” Jonny said, “They’re your whole thing right? Experiments that end in death all the time. I want to die, you can help, what do you not understand?”

“Did someone put you up to this?” Raphaella asked, trying to put enough data together to make a hypothesis of why Jonny would be in her lab.

“No.” Jonny exclaimed with a frown, then he angrily added: “Why are you questioning me? You’re always begging for subjects, why do I suddenly not qualify?”

“You do. It’s just-” Raphaella began, “It’s just that you hate being here and you look like shit. I was just wondering why you suddenly decided to show up, that’s all.”

That only angered Jonny further and he snapped: “Well, maybe I’m here because I am feeling shitty, maybe that’s why I want to die today. Your big science brain ever think of that?”

“No need to get mean.” Raphaella told him with a pout.

The fight drained out of Jonny as his shoulders sagged and his eyes seemed to age eons. He suddenly seemed his immortal age. Looking back at her he said: “Sorry, just fucking kill me, okay.”

It was the sorry that made Raphaella feel icky. Sure, she had loads of experiments she needed help with from a willing immortal participant, but Jonny didn’t look like he was here for science and Raphaella knew that most of the crew just wanted a hug if they felt like that, but she also didn’t know how to bring that up with Jonny, so she just said: “I mean, if you’re sure…”

“I am.” Jonny told her, with, wait was that relief in his voice? Raphaella didn’t really know what to do with that data, so she just pulled out her least painful experiment and ushered Jonny to the table.

Once he was lying down he asked: “What are you going to do?”

She checked her chart and grinned at him, before explaining: “I am going to see how long it takes for this new acid I created to eat through your brain and kill you. I have ten prototypes I want to test, if that’s okay with you. It would be better if it was all the same test subject.”

“Go for it.” Jonny told her.

She grabbed the first vial and held it over his head, she hesitated for a moment and said: “If you’re just doing this to escape I can give you a hug instead and we can forget about all this.”

He glared at her and ripped the vial out of her hands, before pouring it over his face and screaming when the pain set in distracting Raphaella enough to forget about her question.

**6.**

The door swung open with a bang, startling Marius, who was practicing his violin parts. The sudden false and loud note he made when he jumped got Jonnys attention. He was just slamming the door open to get some aggression out, but he hadn’t anticipated on anyone being here.

Here being the practice room, where he had hidden a stash of alcohol just in case he couldn’t retreat to his room without running into anyone, but needed a drink. Something that had happened today, since he knew Brian was looking for him after his stunt on the bridge where he had thrown Brian down to blow of some steam (it hadn’t worked.)

He and Marius made eye contact silently for a second, before Marius smiled and with a chipper voice he asked: “Come to practice as well, Jonny?”

“No.” was all Jonny said, turning around to leave here. He had another stash near the engine room and he knew Nastya was too busy with her girlfriend to notice him.

“Wait, wait don’t leave.” Marius called out, standing up.

Slowly Jonny turned back and spat out: “What!”

He was so sick of people wanting to talk to him when he hated the world and himself. He didn’t want their attention, he didn’t want their hugs, he just wanted to be alone and drink, destroy or die. Why did no one get that?

Marius tried to look disarming and said: “Nothing, just was lonely here, I hoped you’d like to join?”

“I don’t.” Jonny answered flatly.

“Why not? I don’t think you have anything better to do and I could use some news ears about this part I’ve written for a new song, maybe?” Marius replied.

Jonny hesitated, he could use a distraction right now, but Marius was also notorious for figuring out what was wrong with someone and manipulating them into talking about it, which he was not in the mood for. 

He shot the self proclaimed Doctor a suspicious look, the man in question smiled at him and he decided what the hell, why not. So he shrugged: “Sure, whatever.”

“Great.” Marius exclaimed, starting to play something he had been toying with in his head, but wasn’t really anything concrete yet.

Marius was quite pleased with himself, when Jonny was smiling to himself a little and tapping along with the music as he made comments here and there. After an hour or so they’d fleshed out a small idea into a proper song. 

“Thanks, Jonny.” Marius said, “I knew I could use your input. Feeling a bit better, too?”

Jonny had smiled at the first part, but that fell away when Marius asked the latter part. He glared at Marius and slowly asked: “Did you make this whole thing up just to make me feel better, Marius von Raum?”

Marius swallowed and partially lied: “No, I had that idea and you were the first I came across.”

He got a sharper glare and then he added: “But you were a bit aggressive, but not your normal aggressive, more your frustrated aggressive, you know? Which is fine, but I thought you could use a distraction and I needed help, so win-win.”

“Well, I didn’t.” Jonny said.

That earned him a disbelieving look from Marius, who said: “We both know that’s a lie. Do you want to talk about what was bothering you?”

“You’re bothering me.”

“I am a great listener if you want to talk about it.” Marius insisted, then he added: “And I give great hugs.”

Jonny snapped, he didn’t know how many times he had told people this, but still they kept asking, so he yelled: “I don’t need a hug, I don’t want a hug, okay. I’m not some child that needs comforting, because it thinks there’s a monster in the closet. I am fine, I don’t need to talk. Stop asking me if I want a fucking hug.”

“Needing a hug is not just something for children, you know. It’s proven that hugging and other positive contact from fellow living beings, mostly humanoid ones, has many beneficial effects on mental and physical health.” Marius said, trying to gently tell Jonny it was okay to be vulnerable and to need help from time to time.

It didn’t work. Jonny walked away, but not before saying: “You’re not even a real Doctor.”

Marius looked at the closed door for some time after that. He didn’t know what to do with that reaction. Jonny probably didn’t want to talk about it and he would murder Marius if he found out he talked about his analyses of him with another crew member, but it also wasn’t a healthy reaction and Marius just wanted to help.

He looked at the closed door again and decided to think about it before restarting a conversation, maybe when Jonny wasn’t in such a bad place for example.

**7.**

Back when it was just the two of them, Nastya and Jonny huddled up together many times while they hid in the engine room, hoping that this time they wouldn’t be found, wouldn’t be taken. So when she entered the engine room in the middle of the night and saw Jonny there, it wasn’t hard to put together why.

He didn’t look like his normal self, the makeup around his eyes was gone, he had only one belt around his waist (his sleep belt) and he was shaking. She sat down next to him, but when she raised her arm to put around him in a comforting manner he flinched back.

She stopped, her arm still in midair and gently asked: “Jonny, what’s wrong?”

Jonny gave her a guilty look and, like it hurt him to speak the words, he chocked out: “I- I can- can’t.”

He tried to make her understand with his eyes, but Nastya didn’t understand. She had always held on tight to him, but he had clung to her just as much. Did Jonny not want a hug? Why would he not want a hug? He was upset, wasn’t he? Did she do something wrong? Did she do something to upset him? She couldn’t think of anything and just frowned at him in confusion as she carefully asked: “Do you- do you not want a hug?”

It was as if someone had taken a weight of his shoulder as he nodded. He saw that her face fell at that and he quickly said: “It’s not- I, ugh, I can’t- I do want one, but I can’t, not now.”

That didn’t make a lot of sense to Nastya. Jonny wouldn’t have come here if he didn’t want to be comforted at some level, but the only way Nastya knew how to comfort him was with a hug, but he didn’t want- no, he couldn’t get one? Yeah, Nastya was confused.

She asked: “What do- No, uhm, what can you do? And want, but, you know?”

“Share a pillow?” he said like a question while gesturing to her pillow pile.

Nastya nodded, she could do that. In the end they both laid on one side of the pillow, only their heads next to each other. Neither looked at the other, both just staring at the ceiling in thought. After a while Jonny murmured: “Thank you.”

“Anytime.” Nastya answered, turning her head enough to give him a smile.

She fell asleep and never figured out if Jonny did too, because when she woke up he was gone and she didn’t run into him later.

Jonny was avoiding her.

**8.**

Jonny was still avoiding Nastya when it happened again.

He felt guilty about turning Nastya down, but he just couldn't allow himself to be hugged. He’d stopped hugging people the moment the bitch had “fallen” out of the airlock and he didn’t need to comfort anyone after she’d been done with them anymore.

It wasn’t that his body didn’t ache at every offer turned down, it was just that he couldn’t. 

He couldn’t. 

There was just no other way to explain it. The only positive contact he’d had, had either turned negative leaving him more broken or he hadn’t been the focus point. He could handle comforting others, but letting himself be hugged was just too much for Jonny. He didn’t deserve it and it was just too much.

Because of all this guilt and inner turmoil he was sitting at the observation deck. Hardly anyone ever came here and he needed to be alone for a moment. Alone with no gun and no alcohol. 

The stars drifted past him as he allowed himself to get swallowed by the swirling pit of despair that grew inside his gut.

He was snapped out of his thoughts by the sound of footsteps coming his way. He whipped his head around to check if it wasn’t Nastya and was instead met with The Toy Soldier along with Brian. When they saw him The Toy Soldier waved and cheerily called out: “How’s It Going, Good Man.”

Jonny huffed and ignored it, turning back to the stars and hugging his knees to his chest. He knew that he probably looked pretty pathetic, but he didn’t care what The Toy Soldier thought of him and he knew Brian was either nice and would be considerate or not and wouldn’t care.

The Toy Soldier turned to Brian and asked: “Is He Alright? Why Is He Not Responding?”

“I think he’s upset.” Brian said, like Jonny wasn’t right there. He would’ve snapped at him, if he wasn’t too exhausted.

“Oh, I Can Fix That.” The Toy Soldier exclaimed and before anyone could react it had ran forwards and enveloped Jonny in a big hug.

In the background Jonny could hear Brian call out that that might not be a great idea, but he was more focused on the wooden arms around him. They weren’t comfortable by any means, but The Toy Soldier seemed so genuine that it cracked something inside Jonnys chest. 

He needed them off of him. 

Now.

He tensed and blindly grabbed it and threw it across the observation deck. It wasn’t heavy, all made off wood, so it flew easy through the space and landed with a dull thud. 

Not deterred by the sudden attack it stood back up with a smile and turned back to Jonny before it advanced again. Jonny scrambled up and ran away, but The Toy Soldier set chase.

Jonny hoped Brian was on nice mode, and from what he had heard the other probably was, as he hid behind him, using him as shield against The Toy Soldier. 

Brian tried to stop it, but it wasn’t listening. Instead there was now a game of who can walk around Brian in such away that the other can’t reach him. When the game started to make Jonny dizzy he fell back on his last resort and said: “I order you not to hug me or catch me.”

It stopped in its tracks and its smile turned into a frown as he asked: “Why Do You Not Want Me To Hug You? Am I Not A Good Hugger?”

“I’m sure, Jonny didn’t mean it that way.” Brian tried to comfort it, but it wouldn’t listen. Instead it cried: “Tell Me, Ol’ Chap, How Can I Improve?”

“I don’t want you to improve, shit head.” Jonny spat back, “I want you to leave me the fuck alone!”

“Why?” it asked, “You Are Upset, Do You Not Want Help Or Comfort When You are Upset?”

“Maybe I just don’t want help from you.” Jonny told it viscously, heckles raised, before he stomped away.

The Toy Soldier was near tears as it turned to Brian and asked what it had done wrong. Brian put a comforting hand on its shoulder and said: “You did nothing wrong, Toy Soldier. Jonny just isn’t the hugging type.”

The Toy Soldier sniffled: “But Ivy Told Me That There Is A High Chance An Upset Crew Member Would Like A Hug And Marius Told Me Hugging Was Good For People.”

Brian thought about that, he looked over to where Jonny had disappeared. Then he seemed to realize something and he explained: “Some people find it hard to accept nice things, I’m sure Marius knows more about it than I do, why don’t you go ask him, okay?”

“I Will.” it said with a salute, clearly a lot more cheery than it had been a second ago, “Thank You, Brian.”

Then it skipped off.

**+1.**

“Good, Doctor Marius, I Was Looking For You.” The Toy Soldier exclaimed as it entered the common lounge area.

The entire crew, save Brian and Jonny, was there since it was Knife Monopoly night, which was not something anyone wanted to miss. Marius looked up from where he was setting up the board and said: “Hi, Toy Soldier. What can I do for you?”

“I Have A Question.” it said.

“Ask away.”

“Why Do Some People Not Accept Nice Things When They’re Upset?” 

Marius stopped what he was doing and asked: “What brought this on?”

“Well,” The Toy Soldier began to explain, “I Came Across Captain Jonny And He Was Upset, But When I Tried To Hug Him, He Got Even More Upset And Ordered Me To Stop. I Did Not Know Why He Did That, But Brian Explained That Some People Find It Hard To Accept Nice Things And That I Should Ask You If I Wanted To Know More.”

“He ordered you to stop?” asked Tim.

The Toy Soldier nodded and all frowned. It wasn’t exactly uncommon for someone to order The Toy Soldier around, but they tended to avoid it if possible out of common courtesy, most knew how shit it was to have to do something without wanting to.

“So Why Does He Not Want My Hug?” The Toy Soldier asked.

“It’s nothing personal, TS.” Tim said, “He didn’t want a hug from me either.”

“He refused my hug as well.” Ivy told it.

“Wait.” Marius said, “He also didn’t want me to hug him and got quite mad when I mentioned trying to make him feel better. Did any of you hug him, recently or anytime?”

It fell silent as all thought about it, in the end it was Nastya, who spoke up first: “I don’t think I can really remember the last time I hugged Jonny. He was upset a few days ago, but he didn’t want a hug then, well. Uhm. He said he wanted to, but he couldn’t.”

“That idiot.” said Ashes, after all the others also confirmed that Jonny hadn’t wanted a hug from them either.

Ivy said: “There is a 96% chance, Jonny is letting personal issues get in the way of accepting positive contact despite wanting them.”

“As a Doctor.” Marius began, getting cut off by multiple people that he wasn’t a Doctor, which he waved away before he went on: “As a Doctor, I prescribe Jonny a hug, a group hug. Anyone want to help administer the medicine?”

That got some cheers, just as Brian walked in. With apprehension he asked: “What are we cheering about?”

“We’re giving Jonny a group hug when he comes.” Tim grinned.

“Where were you, by the way.” Ashes asked.

“Oh, I was trying to find Jonny after his run in with The Toy Soldier.” Brian said, “No luck, but I’m sure he wouldn’t miss Knife Monopoly.”

“We have to make a plan.” Marius called the attention of everyone as they set to work making a plan.

While they were planning getting Jonny so far to accept a group hug, Jonny got out of his hiding place, cautiously checking if Brian was still there.

Jonny was not having a good day. He’d already not been having a good day, but that not good day had only gotten worse after his run in with Brian and The Toy Soldier.

He felt guilty about he had reacted, which came on top of the turmoil he was already feeling inside. He was honestly considering skipping Knife Monopoly night, so he wouldn’t have to face The Toy Soldier or Nastya. He didn’t want to deal with questions of those two, but if he didn't show up the others would get on his case as well. However, not showing up would mean the same. Jonny never missed Knife Monopoly, he had to beat Tim and Ashes in their ongoing tournament after all.

Which was how he found himself walking towards the common lounge area.

When he arrived he stopped in the doorway for a moment, it seemed he was the last one there and going off the looks on the others faces they were planning something. He turned around, deciding he didn’t want to deal with this anyway, but before he could a voice called out: “Jonny! You’re here, great. We were waiting for you.”

“Marius.” Jonny greeted him, gritting his teeth and turning back around again.

He set one careful step into the room, eying them all, he did not like the energy in the room. The others just stared at him until he had sat down. Clearing his throat uncomfortably, he asked: “Something wrong?”

“You tell us.” Marius replied.

“God fucking dammit, Marius, I don’t need your psychoanalyzing today. I just want to know why you’re all staring at me like I’m going to collapse into a pile of dust if you breathe too hard.” he snapped.

They had at least the manners to look a bit guilty. Marius tried to reassure him and gently said: “We’re just worried about you, Jonny.”

Jonny groaned: “What is it with you people? We kill and fight each other for fun, now all of a sudden you’ve turned into grandmas or something.”

“And this is exactly why we’re worried.” Marius told him.

“Why? Just why?” Jonny asked, exasperated.

“Well,” Marius began to explain, “we are a violent bunch, but sometimes violence is not the answer.” that earned him a disbelieving snort from Jonny, which he ignored, “Sometimes you just need to talk and a hug.”

“I do that.” Jonny lied, sounding petulant.

“That’s the thing, Jonny.” Marius said, “You don’t.”

Jonny swallowed heavily and started to look for a way out, already regretting sitting down. He noticed that the others had subtly moved to block all the exits and cursed mentally. They’d planned this, he knew something was up and he had walked straight into their trap.

They had all decided that Marius would be the best to talk to Jonny, so he went on: “We pooled all our knowledge together and came to the conclusion that none of us remember hugging you, definitely not recently. However, we all do remember you getting mad at the offer of a hug.”

“And what made you all decide that me and my hugging habits were a good conversation topic.” Jonny grumbled, ignoring what Marius had said.

Marius took it is stride and explained: “The Toy Soldier wanted to know why you didn’t want a hug and one thing lead to another and then suddenly we all realized that you weren’t getting enough hugs.”

“I am getting enough hugs for me.” Jonny mumbled.

“So,” Marius went on, “we decided we wanted to know what’s wrong. Why don’t you want a hug?”

Jonny cursed the fact that he didn’t have his gun with him, he had tried to turn Knife Monopoly into Gun Monopoly once and now guns were banned at Knife Monopoly nights, so he wouldn’t be able to fight his way out the room without getting caught.

He hugged his knees to his chest and said: “I don’t want a fucking hug. Is that so hard to grasp? I don’t want it and I would like for you all to stop offering it.”

“Why?” Nastya couldn’t help, but let the question slip out her mouth as she remembered the pain-twisted expression on his face as he tried to tell her how he wanted it, but couldn’t.

It was silent while everyone looked at Jonny, who tried to come up with a good answer. He opened and closed his mouth a few times, gaping like fish then he gestured vaguely and said: “I- I can’t.”

“You already said that, but why can’t you?” Nastya pressed him.

Jonny ducked back into himself and softly admitted: “I don’t think I can handle it if it turns bad.”

“You think we’re going to see this as a moment of weakness and use it against you, Jonny?” Tim asked with a frown, he knew all were a not so nice bunch, but none of them would ever use something like that against someone.

“Jonny?” Tim asked again after the First Mate stayed silent and didn’t dare to meet their eyes.

Jonny swallowed and shrugged. He didn’t like admitting it, but he was too tired to protest. The not sleeping to avoid nightmares, along with the possibility Nastya finding him, piling up with the emotional exhaustion on top of that, which had come from the bad feeling that had built up inside his chest, had completely exhausted him.

He said with a tiny voice: “I know, you’re not going to, logically I know that, but the thought that it could, that you suddenly decide I’m not worth it, it’s scary. Or you do think that and that’s just too much pressure. I don’t know how to be worthy of that.”

The words just tumbled out and he couldn’t stop them, by the time he was done there were tears rolling down his face and he was sniffling softly. 

Ever so slowly Marius put his hand on Jonnys shoulder. Jonny stiffened, but relaxed when the hand did nothing but lay there. Marius said: “I’m going to tell you something and you’re going to listen to me and then if you still don’t want a hug we will respect that, but otherwise you’re getting the best hug of your life. That okay?”

Jonny nodded wordlessly and Marius praised: “Good.” then he continued: “We are a lot of things, violent and bastards, but we will never turn a hug against you, I can promise you that.”

Positive sounds of agreement went through the room.

“Sometimes a hug is good, we’ve all gotten one and we’ve all given one, nothing is ever brought up, no matter how angry or upset someone is. Some things are sacred and here on the Aurora safely hugging someone is. Do you understand that?” Marius asked.

It was quiet for a moment, then barely visible Jonny nodded. All smiled with relief and Marius moved on to his next point: “Secondly, we do think you worth it, no matter what you do. Everyone does shit and everyone is an asshole sometimes, but that doesn’t mean we don’t get to care about each other. You’d have to do a lot before any of us will abandon you and I don’t see that happening.”

“But what if I accidentally do mess up?” Jonny asked, his voice small.

“Then we’re first going to talk to you about it, we’re not suddenly going to drop you without explanation.” Brian jumped into the conversation.

Others nodded and with a nod from Marius, Nastya asked the question: “Jonny, be honest, it’s okay if you won’t, but do you want a hug right now and can we give you one?”

Jonny looked around the room with wet eyes, on each face he was met by there was a gentle open smile and eyes filled with encouragement. It was quiet as they all waited for his answer, the moment of truth.

Biting his lip he carefully and hesitantly said: “…Yes?”

“Are you sure?” Brain asked him.

He took a deep breath and nodded, this time firmly. He let go of his knees and allowed the others to hug him.

It took a bit of maneuvering, but in the end Jonny was sitting on Ashes lap, their hands around his waist as they held him steady. Hugging them and therefore him from behind was Raphaella, who used her wings to encompass everyone. On his right side was Nastya and on his left was Tim, while The Toy Soldier sat on the ground in front of him with its head in his lap. Marius and Brian hugged around Nastya and Tim respectively and Ivy was sat next to The Toy Soldier, using his leg more as a backrest than anything else.

There in the middle of the pile of limbs and warmth, Jonny allowed himself to smile and relax as he melted into the giant hug. It didn’t take long for the exhaustion of the past few days to catch up to him and for him to fall asleep.

No one dared to move while Jonny finally rested with such a peaceful look on his face, so they all stayed silent as they got more comfortable. Knife Monopoly could wait, tonight they were holding a slumber party.

~

No, Jonny had never been good at accepting nice things for himself, especially stuff like a hugs. And, no, the crew of the Aurora had never been a touchy-feely bunch.

But Jonny could learn and the crew was willing to make exceptions.

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you all liked it! If you did be sure to leave Kudos and a Comment, cause those things keep me going, I swear I will throw myself into a horde of octokittens and let them eat me for you if you left a Comment, I love them.
> 
> Anyway thank you for reading and have a great day!


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